


Script: Vampire Sensitivity Training

by httpsawesome



Category: Original Work
Genre: Comedy, Short Skit, if you wanna use it for something ask me, like 3 minutes long
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-16
Updated: 2017-05-16
Packaged: 2018-11-01 10:15:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 521
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10919751
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/httpsawesome/pseuds/httpsawesome
Summary: The script for a comedy skit, never produced."Presenter: Ahh . . That is sadly a mistake a lot of people make. Fortunately, I have just the thing! I point you too - (Powerpoint moves on to next slide that reads ‘TWILIGHT ISN’T FUNNY’ in red.) Twilight, despite its popularity, shows harmful stereotypes about vampire kind. It claims that all vampires are weird, loner stalkers who prey on teenage girls. In reality, only some vampires stalk young girls, while many prefer humans closer to their own age and stalk the elderly. Some even prefer a life of solitude."





	Script: Vampire Sensitivity Training

Cast: Anthony and Presenter.

 

( **Anthony** is sitting in a crowd of chairs in an office setting. An abnormally perky person is standing in the front of the room giving a presentation. They are standing in front of a powerpoint.)

 

**Presenter:** Hello everyone!

 

**Anthony:** I’m the only one here.

 

**Presenter:** Please hold all questions and comments to the end.

 

(Reaction shot of Anthony looking exasperated.)

 

**Presenter:** Thank you! (Smile) Now, if you were asked to attend our presentation today then one or more of your coworkers thinks that you may have some Politically Incorrect views on vampires. 

 

**Anthony:** (Under his breath) Fucking Sally.

 

**Presenter:** Please refrain from inappropriate language during company time, sir. 

 

**Anthony:** This is outside my hours.

 

**Presenter:** I am aware. Now, who can tell me exactly why they were asked to be here?

 

**Anthony:** Well, I - 

 

**Presenter:** Please raise your hand as to avoid talking over anyone in the group.

 

**Anthony:** Are you serious?

 

**Presenter:** Very. (Smile)

 

**Anthony:** (Raises hand)

 

**Presenter:** Yes, Mr. . . . 

 

**Anthony:** Roberts. I have to be here because - 

 

**Presenter:** We don’t like to use words like ‘have to be here’ at Home Pesticide Inc. We prefer ‘unpaid voluntary overtime’. 

 

**Anthony:** Right. I made a joke about Twilight and someone called me racist. 

**Presenter:** Ahh . . That is sadly a mistake a lot of people make. Fortunately, I have just the thing! I point you too - (Powerpoint moves on to next slide that reads ‘TWILIGHT ISN’T FUNNY’ in red.) Twilight, despite its popularity, shows harmful stereotypes about vampire kind. It claims that all vampires are weird, loner stalkers who prey on teenage girls. In reality, only some vampires stalk young girls, while many prefer humans closer to their own age and stalk the elderly. Some even prefer a life of solitude. 

 

**Anthony:** Good, now I know. Can I leave now?

 

**Presenter:** No. (Shows next slide labeled ‘other harmful stereotypes) I have to make sure no one leaves here with any harmful ideas on what vampires are like.

 

**Anthony:** But I’m the only one that’s here!

 

**Presenter:** (Ignores him) For instance, does anyone here think that vampires drink only human blood?

 

**Anthony:** (Silent. Getting gradually annoyed with this)

 

**Presenter:** Good! Because 90% of all vampires survive on alternative diets of (shows slide) beef, (shows slide) blood substitutes, and (shows slide of Donald T.) corrupt politicians. (canned laughter)

 

**Anthony:** I thought talking politics is something you avoid on company time.

 

**Presenter:** I thought I told you to hold all questions and comments will the end. 

 

**Anthony:** (Doesn’t reply, gestures to go on.)

 

**Presenter:** Thank you. (Smiles). Also, images such as this (shows slide of Nosferatu) and (slide of a Halloween vampire costume) are offensive and vampires should avoid looking or dressing like these. 

 

**Anthony:** Isn’t limiting what a vampire is ‘allowed’ to look like going to keep the offensive stereotypes around, as no one is going challenge them?

 

**Presenter:** (losing it) Hold all comments until the end!

 

**Anthony:** (mimes zipping his lips)

 

**Presenter:** Any questions?

 

**Anthony:** (raises hand)

**Presenter:** Anyone else?

 

**Anthony:** (reaction shot)

 

**Presenter:** Meeting adjourned.

 

**Anthony:** (Under his breath as he leaves) Asshole.

  
**Presenter:** (under their breath) Dick. 


End file.
